You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Matthew 7:5
I once read that the best parents communicate two resounding messages to their children:
- We love you like crazy
- You cannot have what you want
In tandem, these two truths provide a foundation for success in fledgling humans. As the theory goes, when those two messages are out of balance from parent to child, the formation of their character can go horribly off track.
Those missing message number one (unconditional love) often grow up feeling insecure under their dictatorial parents. They never measure up in spite of their performance. Those who miss the second message (boundaries and demands) might feel loved but they often “fail to launch”. They lack the grit and self-discipline necessary to succeed because they were never given limits or pushed to be better. Both are needed to raise a centered and well-adjusted child; one who can love and have grace for him or herself while at the same time mustering the drive to work hard and overcome adversity.
This dynamic is analogous to two fat-related movements, currently squared off with their dueling points of view. Each has a fragment of the truth, but each also holds a message that falls flat because it ignores the other side. Let’s dig in!
Fat shamers aren’t really a “movement” per se, but I think we can easily recognize what they are all about. These are people who have decided that, by and large, fat people are self-deluded and lack moral character. They view obesity as the result of selfishness, self-indulgence, and laziness. The Shamers also believe in expressing their condemnation openly. The sincerest fat-shamers (those who truly want to “help”) are disturbed by the health data linking obesity with disease and early death. They want to help and believe that by using candid and even harsh language they can shock fat people into seeing the error of their ways and perhaps chart a new life-course.
The fat acceptance movement, on the other hand, rejects the notion of an ideal body type. They are focused on the structural oppression of people of size and advocate for the rights and acceptance of the corpulent. Accepters believe that you can be “healthy at any size” and like to quote research supporting their position. They critique the societal drive toward unrealistic body-images and like to call out companies and Shamers for emotional abuse. Instead, they admonish the obese to “love” themselves and their bodies and give up on diets.
Both of these groups are right. And both are wrong.
Fat shamers (the “sincere types”) are correct in that obesity is extremely unhealthy and will likely shave years and even decades off of your life. They are correct that those of us who struggle with our weight would do well to take radical ownership of such and make fundamental changes, both for our sake and for the loved ones and systems affected by us.
But the Shamers are also dead-wrong in their approach because they are easily dismissed as self-righteous, un-empathetic, and unfairly harsh. 99% of the time, the use of austere language will not work. Also, such an unsympathetic approach falls especially flat if the one brandishing that approach has never personally struggled with their weight. It is simply not useful or effective and creates a good deal of collateral damage in the process.
Acceptors make a good point. People of size should be treated with human dignity and respect, full stop. They should not be oppressed or treated as lesser people because of their relative girth. It is easy to pick on people based on a difference of appearance and countless heavy people have suffered from harassment and bullying at the hands of others. This needs to stop.
That said, there is no denying the absolute death sentence that morbid obesity represents (that’s why it’s called morbid!). Those carrying a massive number of extra pounds on their frame are virtually guaranteed an early death akin to heavy smokers. But perhaps equally dire is the reduction in the obese person’s quality of life along the way. Chronic obesity usually leads to chronic pain (both physical and emotional). For fat-acceptance people to deny this is truly misguided and even delusional.
Perhaps if concerned others came to the table with less self-righteousness and more empathy, and those afflicted with obesity came to that same table with humility and an acknowledgement of the truth, together they could work together to put a dent in the obesity problem.