“Whom have I in heaven but You?
Psalm 73:25-26
And on earth I desire no one besides You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever”
If you haven’t noticed yet, I am a Bible-loving Jesus Freak. I am the nerdiest of scripture nerds. But more importantly, I truly and with all of my being believe that God is my Creator and I long to see Him. When I was 18, I put atheism behind me, said “Jesus is Lord” and was baptized. My core identity is as a follower of Christ.
I am also fatally flawed. A wise man once said, “Lead with your limp”. So this blog is my attempt at that. I have struggled with food issues most of my life; over-eating, sneak-eating, compulsive eating. I never had any consuming interest in drugs or violence or riches or sexual escapades. No, sugar is my substance of choice. It was “safe”; a way to act out and express my carnal desires without crossing any church-mandated lines.
Let me tell you my thesis about all of this food folly: When it comes to food, I have a thick sense of entitlement. I have summarized by entire struggle with eating and obesity with this one tragic and deep-seated mis-belief:
I deserve to eat whatever I want, in whatever quantities I desire,
while being spared the natural consequences of my food choices.
And that belief, friends, is a killer (literally). What I have learned is that this single mis-belief has caused me more pain than any other. It has led me astray time and again. Most importantly, it has set itself up as a barrier, blocking my walk with God. This is because God is the one who gets to decide what I have and don’t have. More than that, He is the prize to be claimed. He is God! I am to have no other gods before Him. He is my portion.
Psalm 73:25-26 is such a magnificent verse because it perfectly frames my situation. My flesh? It has a mind of its own and makes me do what my true self hates (Romans 7). My heart? Is deceitful above all things and beyond cure! Yet God can take my heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh. He is my portion forever. He is the permanent solution. That’s why I call my blog “God is My Portion”.
But what about the byline “A Blog for the Eternally Hungry”?
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
Matthew 5:6
for they will be filled”
The website’s byline is a little play on words, but it is also a true representation of the above:
- I long to please God and,
- I am always hungry
These are my two realities, flesh and spirit sewn together in one hot mess of a man! And look at the blessing provided by Jesus himself. When we seek out God with the same zeal, with the same craving we have for a Krispy Kreme donut, he promises us that we WILL be filled. Not with carbs, but with his Spirit, with a sense of purpose, and with transcendent peace.
My hope and prayer is that this blog serves as a kind of testimony. Something that both points to God and pleases God. I also deeply desire to help others along the way. There are ministries for drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, internet pornography, and the like. Many of those address sins that can be concealed to some degree, but compulsive eating is different; we often wear the evidence of such on our bodies. Ironically, I believe that this constant bodily proof necessitates that we tell ourselves even more powerful lies in order to continue in our sin (and yes, I believe that debauchery with food is a sin).
At the same time, we can easily go into hiding and darkness because of the great shame we feel around our eating. I hope that this blog helps more of us to walk into the light and find the help we need.
God willing, we will all enjoy a hefty portion of what God has in store for us.