At this point in my life I have worked with or spoken to a number of people who are in the middle of a weight-loss diet. I hear comments like “I ate X last night. Will I still lose weight when I step on the scale tomorrow?” or “I must lose thee pounds this week. If I don’t lose three pounds, I am giving up”. These anxious utterances reveal a certain mindset about weight and food; a mindset that I too have struggled with for most of my adult life. When I see people (fat and thin alike) chronically wrestling with these thoughts, my heart is filled with deep compassion.
You see, I know what it is like to obsess over every morsel. I am very familiar with compulsive weighing, sometimes stepping on the scale three or four times a day. I recognize the manic, tireless search for the next diet, the next guru, the next cure. I have spent countless hours scanning google, pouring through books, walking through university libraries, following rabbits down holes, searching for the answer, the silver bullet. At one point I was chalking up five hours a day worth of food and diet obsession behaviour. And after all of this I can tell you what I have learned: the whole thing is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
For me, the great loss has not been the dire effects of my obesity alone. It is the loss of time, of contentment, of peace, and of what could have been otherwise. Satan had me right where he wanted me. This highly concealed food and weight obsession has choked me out, making me unproductive as a Christian (Luke 8:14). It has destroyed any sense of health based self-regard. It has distracted me from my family and friends.
Nowadays I can say that hoping for a number on a scale is entirely the wrong way to think. Searching for the “perfect diet” is utterly misguided. Here are my thoughts about a better way.
Slow Down (accept a longer timescale)
Think about how old you were when you went on your first diet. Imagine what you looked like at the time. How much did you weigh? My guess is that a large proportion of us would not even be on a diet now if we weighed what we did in highschool. We can look back and say “If I knew then what I know now, I would not only have been completely content. I would have been overjoyed about my weight!”
Now look at your weight history since childhood. I would imagine that for many of you following this blog, your weight graph over time looks like a roller coaster with ever higher peaks. If so, you are in good company; over 25 years, my weight was never the same two weeks in a row (compare this to weight “normies” who stay the say weight day after day, year after year). May I suggest that your weight chart looks so dramatic because it is actually a reflection of your life drama. It is a visual depiction of a cycle of crash dieting followed by relapse, followed by bingeing back up to starting weight.
What I learned about myself is that the scale became an excuse to binge, regardless of what it did. Did I lose a measly pound (or nothing!) this week? I might as well throw it out. Did I lose 5 pounds this week? Let’s celebrate! (I have the extra leeway, don’t I?). Nevermind the fact that short term scale weight is greatly affected by hydration levels, bowel movements, and a host of factors outside our control. That means that on a weekly basis, those factors ruin our scale goals and hence our attitude and hence our compliance. Additionally, two people of identical height and scale weight can look very different and be very metabolically different because of a difference in body composition. Scale weight simply isn’t great data.
This process of restoring your food-life is more of a four year degree than a weekend workshop. The Marines often say “Slow is smooth and smooth is fast”. Being hasty is a recipe for rebound. Slowing down, meticulously planning, getting your bearings, and dispassionately deciding on a course of action will lead to greater long term success. Remember, we are playing the long game. We no longer care about looking good in a bathing suit in two months. Instead, we are projecting 10, 20, 40 years into the future with our plan.
In light of this, what if you were to surrender the number on the scale? In fact, what if you chose to put the thing away for a while?
The Better Measure (turf the scale)
Scales are like beauty contests: they might feel great, but their numbers don’t really mean anything because they are focused on the outward appearance. They are like a rorschach test in which we project our hopes and insecurities.
A better thing to measure is behaviours. This is about integrity. We must all come to accept that, for better or worse, our bodies are a reflection of our behaviours over time. Think about it: your body fat percentage is the result of every single food decision you have made until now. Change your way of eating (meaning your permanent, daily habits with food) and your body will eventually reflect those new habits. Not in a week. Perhaps not even in four months, but eventually. I do not weigh myself every week anymore, but I do track my food habits each and every day. The habits are what matter. A good week for me has 7 green X’s on it. A green “X” means that I did not eat any sugar, that I did not snack, and that I held to my predetermined portions of food that day. That is “success”. What my body does in response is a manifestation of that success.
String enough green X’s together and that way of eating will gently sink into your subconscious. Once that happens, you have a new way of life that requires virtually zero willpower to maintain.
Here is the catch though: we are talking about a new way of life. A permanent change. This is not a “diet”. Diets bring back the rollercoaster and are bad. Fundamentally and permanently changing your food habits smooths out your entire life and is good. This is why you need to accept a longer timescale. I mean, why do you even need a timescale? The weight is no longer your currency. Weight is simply the byproduct.
Stop Searching (let the scales fall from your eyes)
The obsessive, endless “perfect diet” search is the demon child of the dieting mentality and is grounded in magical thinking. Magical thinking is a form of immaturity that we ideally leave behind with our childhood, though some of these thoughts often persist. We might avoid a crack in the pavement so that our mother doesn’t sustain a lumbar injury. We might believe that if we put more cash in the collection plate at church, then God will give us a raise at work. We might believe that if we pray hard enough, God will find us our perfect soul mate with whom we can live happily ever after. And yes, many of us who struggle with food tirelessly search for the “silver bullet” that will magically cure us of our weight woes.
And I get it. I was the same way. That is, until I realized that the search for the perfect diet itself was a form of rationalization for poor eating. I mean, why simply “start” if the perfect plan has not been discovered and lined up yet?
What would work better is to find an uncomplicated, unextreme way of eating and then commit to it 100%. For years. Throw away all of your diet books. Stop searching for something better. Resist the urge to click on headlines that read “How I lost 1000 Pounds in Three Days on My Shiny New Diet!” Trust the process. Be patient. When you do this, I am convinced that the scales will fall from your eyes. You will see that you have been caught up in someone else’s agenda for your weight.
Bringing it all together
As you have probably noticed, scale-based emotions, scale impatience, and diet plan impatience all hang together. They collectively suggest one thing: desperation. The trouble with desperation is that it is a form of irrationality based on unchecked fears. I promise to dig into those fears in another blog. But for now, here is a scripture that I hope you find helpful:
I sought the LORD, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.
~ Psalm 34:4
God is in control. He wants what is best for you and loves you deeply. But he also needs you to seek Him as your ultimate source of value, success, and validation. When we all learn to do this, we will empty our scales of their power.
Thank you.
You’re very welcome, Florence.
Another great read with much to think about!
Thank you!